Dating an emotionally unavailable person
I sometimes wonder if I seem emotionally unavailable to those who care for me, or do at certain times. I suspect it is a habit picked up as a means to protect myself from hurt.Or, it may be the consequence of an overriding fatigue – it is hard to be fully present and supportive of another person, no matter how deeply you feel, when you are worn down to the nub. Sadly, too many of us have seen it happen between parent and child.I could love to a point, care to a point; a sort of numbness kept me at a distance from more than that, and I sometimes think of this when I recall the beginnings of the relationship that eventually became my marriage. Haven’t some of us known the boss, the parent, the lover who was engaging and gregarious, but who hid his or her emotions behind layers and walls? Can’t charm or intellectual argument become equally diverting, serving to confuse what we see, and what is really going on? Isn’t the narcissist frequently charismatic in many ways, the sexy and desirable lover, but out of touch with the awareness and empathy required for true connection?Likewise, the apparent loner is not emotionally unavailable.When the withdrawal of affection and sharing is sudden, it becomes harder to deny that something is amiss.You may notice the distance in your relationship in due course – in comparison to other couples or in light of some new awareness about yourself.
Can you see your own part in the dynamic, or the context in which it has changed?Whatever its causes or reasons, it may be too much to ask for some, and survivable for others.Although commitment can be a positive thing for most people, there are still certain negative aspects that turn some men away from going all in with a woman.Some have even likened their partner’s apparent lack of care, love or concern to emotional abuse because it makes them feel worthless.And therein lies the drama for those on the other side – the sense of worthlessness, the emptiness – wondering how much and for how long they can compartmentalize their needs, as they try to exist in the shadows of emotional reserve.
Is it possible to live with a man or woman whose nature is to be emotionally unavailable, and consequently, maintains a distance – purposely or otherwise?